– WHEN I WAS 8 YEARS OLD I KNEW I WAS GONNA BE SOMETHING SPECIAL –
Running in the footsteps of my father waiting for him to lift me up, convince him that I’m worthy. I knew that special was something like a secret which I needed to keep to my own, as to show it, I might not be hugged by the man I loved the most.
I grew up knowing I know something special, disguising myself in robes of normal. We used to creep above the library to count the stars hovering over desert gold, one by one there were never too many, the moon shining on goose bump skin, crying sobbing at the face of what we feel is special. A friend holding my hand tightly, sweating palms, the grip feels like another time, away from here beyond the guns that lay between us now, beyond into what my heart really knows is special.
When I was 11 years old I knew I was something special. Short, round face big eyes, glasses, big smile, not knowing the language we are speaking I caught onto different tongues. Writing in English the Hebrew words so I can remember, telling stories to the open skies as I walked barefoot on the pavements of grass, counting stars in different languages. Trying to seek my special expression I kept quiet, holding my special world inside like a secret, which I needed to keep to my own as if to show it, I might not be hugged by the people I loved the most.
When I was 16 I found a special place. Coughing out the boxes which I kept secretly safe on the safety of the stage. In the theater of life I played many characters which seem now different parts of me, openly revealing my chest. I got grade 100 at performing me. To be an open book and put myself on the edge of what I know, to be vulnerable was the game and here I found my home. I became an actress and a dancer. My true voice came out in the silence of movement, finding monologues written by different voices enabled me to find mine. Dance and Theatre became my special place where special things had validity.
When I was 21, after my army service, I changed my last name, thinking that if I lose it I might lose everything that came with it. A new life to begin with a special new name might carve the road in front of me different. It did. A choice took me to explore myself with no pre directed maps. It was scary. It was uncertain, which brought the gift of a special kind of Presence guiding my way. Looking up to the grey skies, no counting stars to help my way. It was a lonely walk. Only myself and that special voice, making friends, wondering through the streets of London, taking me to places I wouldn’t imagine. I studied mime for three years where I dwelled in the beauty of a talking body, where special became Deeply loud. Dust storms arose which before blinded me, now wanting to guide me back home.
I thank whatever makes this precious world go round, in some mysterious way, reminding me to keep on holding tightly, sweating palms gripping to what I believe is special, that place beyond time, that place between what I was taught was wrong or right. Learning over and over, falling on my face and dancing up again, to allow special to talk through to that tall man which I loved the most, knowing that I might not get hugged in return. To keep learning to love a world which keeps giving validity to robes of normal and giving special a place only on the stage. Never stopping to dance my life and plant special where ever I lay my heart and head.
When I was 1 year old,
My mother told me,
I was special.
Thank You Forever Mom.
– Lotan Sapir | Mime, Dancer & Performer
Lotan Sapir, a mime, dancer and performer. Lotan uses these tools to investigate identity, borders, diversity and being human. Lotan creates audience involving performances where the audience takes active participation in the stories they witness. She Uses different integrative processes for the purpose of social and ecological change in the Middle East.
Lotan is a facilitator of “The work that reconnects” (Joanna Macy) as well as facilitating movement Journeys. She is currently developing “The Human Theatre” which is a diverse collective of artists exploring what it means to be human today in the west bank ~ Questioning where we have come from and what we can learn for the future generations to come.